nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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