There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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