One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
