My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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