i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
