Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
