When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
