distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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