I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
