So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
