I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
