Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
