I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Can Purell be used as lube?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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