If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
