i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
