so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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