We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
