i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
