Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
