Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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