He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
