found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
