Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
