I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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