My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
