from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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