That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
