Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
