can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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