Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
