god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
