After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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