left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
