I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
