problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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