My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
