i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i dont even know how to be here
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
