Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
