So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
