There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
