Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
