this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
