So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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