I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I looked at my own cervix.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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