The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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