I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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