talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
