I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
