Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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