Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
