quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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