Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
