Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
