he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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