M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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